Growing Up in the In-Between: The Mental Health Impact of Life’s Major Transitions

Growing up is filled with transitions that we often talk about as exciting milestones: starting middle school, graduating high school, going to college, beginning a career, and becoming an adult.

But there is another side of transitions that does not always get as much attention.

Every new beginning also means leaving something behind.

For young people, transitions can mean leaving familiar routines, friendships, teachers, expectations, identities, and versions of themselves that once felt comfortable. At the same time, they are being asked to adapt to something new—often before they feel completely ready.

That can make even a positive transition emotionally complicated. A young person can be excited about what is coming and still grieve what is ending. They can be proud of themselves and terrified. They can want independence while simultaneously wishing someone would tell them exactly what to do.

And when anxiety, depression, ADHD, or other mental health challenges are already part of the picture, navigating the space between who I was and who I am becoming can feel even more overwhelming.

Elementary School to Middle School: “I’m Not a Little Kid Anymore”

The transition into middle school is often one of the first times children experience a noticeable shift in what the world expects from them.

Suddenly, there may be multiple teachers, changing classrooms, lockers, more homework, increased responsibility, changing friendships, larger peer groups, and greater expectations for organization and independence. At the same time, puberty and significant social and emotional development may be occurring.

Research has identified the transition from primary to secondary education as a potentially stressful developmental period that can affect both psychological well-being and academic functioning (Symonds & Galton, 2014; van Rens et al., 2018).

Adults may see a forgotten assignment and think, You need to be more responsible.

A young person may experience it very differently:

Everyone else seems to know what they are doing. Why can't I figure this out?

This distinction becomes particularly important for children with ADHD, anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns.

A child with ADHD may understand exactly what needs to be done but struggle with planning, organization, working memory, task initiation, time management, or keeping track of increasingly complex responsibilities.

A child experiencing anxiety may become consumed with questions about friendships, grades, teachers, fitting in, making mistakes, or getting lost.

A child struggling with depression may have difficulty finding the energy, motivation, or concentration necessary to meet new expectations.

What looks like a problem with “maturity” may actually be a young person trying to develop new skills while managing more than adults can see.

Support during this stage does not mean removing every challenge. It means recognizing that independence develops gradually. Young people often need scaffolding before they can successfully manage responsibilities on their own.

High School Graduation: “What Am I Supposed to Do With My Life?”

High school graduation is typically celebrated as an achievement—and it should be.

But graduation can also come with an enormous and sometimes unrealistic question:

What are you doing next?

College? Work? Trade school? Military service? A gap year? Moving away? Staying home?

For some teenagers, the answer feels obvious. For many others, it does not.

At 17 or 18 years old, young people may suddenly feel pressure to make decisions that appear to determine the direction of their entire lives. At the same time, the external structure they have known for most of childhood begins to disappear.

For someone experiencing anxiety, uncertainty about the future can quickly become catastrophic thinking:

What if I choose the wrong school?

What if I don't know what I want to major in?

What if everyone else moves forward and I don't?

What if I disappoint my family?

What if I fail?

Anticipatory anxiety frequently accompanies major life transitions because uncertainty creates room for the mind to imagine possible negative outcomes (Huff, 2025).

Depression can create a different challenge. While everyone else appears excited about graduation, a young person may feel disconnected, unmotivated, overwhelmed, or unable to imagine a future that feels meaningful.

ADHD can add another layer. The transition after high school often requires considerably more self-management. Parents and teachers may no longer be checking assignments, reminding someone where to be, or creating the daily structure that helped keep life moving.

The expectation can quickly shift from follow this structure to create your own structure.

That is a significant developmental leap.

College Graduation and the Unexpected Question: “Now Who Am I?”

College graduation brings another transition that is frequently portrayed as an arrival point.

You graduated. You made it.

Now adulthood begins.

Except adulthood rarely arrives with clear instructions.

The American Psychological Association describes the years roughly between ages 18 and 29 as a period often referred to as emerging adulthood, which can involve identity exploration, instability, changing relationships, increasing independence, and figuring out one's place in work and adult life (Abrams, 2026).

For years, identity may have been attached to being a student.

There were semesters, assignments, breaks, professors, classmates, extracurricular activities, and a relatively predictable calendar.

Then suddenly someone asks:

“So, what are you doing now?”

For a young adult who does not know the answer, that seemingly simple question can carry enormous weight.

The transition out of college can involve job searching, rejection, financial pressure, moving back home, changes in friendships, loss of community, changing family relationships, comparison with peers, and uncertainty about career direction.

It can also bring deeper questions:

Who am I without school?

Do I actually want the career I thought I wanted?

Where do I want to live?

What kind of relationships do I want?

What matters to me?

What if I change my mind?

The transition from college into employment, graduate education, or another stage of adult life can be stressful precisely because it involves both increased responsibility and uncertainty (American Psychological Association, 2010).

For young adults managing anxiety, depression, ADHD, or other mental health concerns, this uncertainty can feel especially heavy.

Mental Health Does Not Pause While You Grow Up

Developmental transitions do not cause every mental health difficulty, and struggling during a transition does not automatically mean someone has a mental health disorder.

However, transitions can expose areas where a person was already struggling or disrupt the routines and supports that previously helped them function.

Someone with ADHD may struggle when external structure disappears.

Someone with anxiety may have difficulty tolerating the uncertainty inherent in change.

Someone experiencing depression may struggle to initiate the very tasks required to build a new routine, career, social network, or sense of direction.

And sometimes several of these experiences overlap.

This is why it is important to look beyond behavior.

A young person who seems “unmotivated” may feel completely overwhelmed.

Someone who repeatedly procrastinates may not know where to begin.

Someone constantly asking a parent what to do may be struggling to trust their own decisions.

Someone who changes majors, career paths, or plans may not be failing to commit—they may be learning more about themselves.

There Is No Perfect Timeline for Becoming Yourself

Perhaps one of the hardest parts of growing up today is how visible everyone else's progress can be.

Social media can make it seem as though everyone else knows exactly what they are doing.

Someone got into their dream college.

Someone landed a great first job.

Someone moved into an apartment.

Someone got engaged.

Someone started graduate school.

Someone appears completely confident.

Meanwhile, you may still be trying to figure out what you want.

But development is not a race, and adulthood is not a checklist.

Emerging adulthood is characterized partly by identity exploration and a feeling of being somewhere between adolescence and full adulthood (Abrams, 2026). Figuring yourself out is not evidence that you are behind. In many ways, figuring yourself out is the work of this stage of life.

Young people need room to experiment, make decisions, reconsider those decisions, make mistakes, develop skills, ask for help, and change their minds.

A middle schooler does not need to have adolescence figured out.

A high school senior does not need to know what they want to do for the rest of their life.

A college graduate does not need to immediately have a career, home, relationships, finances, and identity perfectly established.

Growing up is not one transition.

It is a series of them.

Supporting Young People Through the In-Between

Support during transitions is not about preventing discomfort. Some uncertainty, frustration, and discomfort are natural parts of growth.

Instead, support can mean helping young people build enough stability to tolerate the uncertainty.

That might include maintaining routines where possible, breaking large decisions into smaller ones, creating organizational systems, staying connected to supportive people, normalizing uncertainty, allowing room for changing goals, and recognizing when emotional or behavioral changes are beginning to interfere with everyday functioning.

Therapy can also provide a space for young people to explore questions about identity, independence, relationships, expectations, anxiety, mood, executive functioning, and the future without needing to already know the answers.

Sometimes the most helpful message during a major transition is also one of the simplest:

You do not have to have everything figured out just because something in your life is changing.

You are allowed to grow into what comes next.

References

Abrams, Z. (2026, June 1). How to support young people on the road to adulthood. Monitor on Psychology, 57(4). American Psychological Association.

American Psychological Association. (2010, July 1). Off campus and into the “real world.”

Huff, C. (2025, June 1). Understanding anticipatory anxiety during key life transitions. Monitor on Psychology, 56(4). American Psychological Association.

Symonds, J., & Galton, M. (2014). Moving to the next school at age 10–14 years: An international review of psychological development at school transition. Review of Education, 2(1), 1–27.

van Rens, M., Haelermans, C., Groot, W., & Maassen van den Brink, H. (2018). Facilitating a successful transition to secondary school: (How) does it work? A systematic literature review. Adolescent Research Review, 3, 43–56.